UKIP ‘Joke Started By Boris Johnson’
The Mayor of London explained in an email to the prime minister, BCC’d to The Taxman, that the UK Independence Party had actually begun life as an editorial prank he had played while writing features for the Daily Telegraph.
“Look cammy, I have to confess, it was me all along,” wrote Johnson.
“I started UKIP as a bit of a drunken jolly to tickle the fancy of Telegraph readers. To my eternal shame, the party now appears to have been taken seriously by an awful lot of Tory voters, who have now switched allegiance and are threatening your job as prime minister.
“How annoying that must be for you right now.”
UKIP candidates won 147 seats in the county council elections on Thursday, after repeatedly bashing the black before sinking all the remaining colours in quick succession.
But Johnson warned Cameron not to pander to the party, despite a surge in its popularity that polling experts predict will scupper any hopes of a Conservative majority in the next general election.
“Davey boy, I urge you, whatever plans you might have to avert the political threat from those cheeky scamps at UKIP, taking them seriously is the last thing you want to be doing.
“No-one likes an old bore who can’t take a joke.
“Just lighten up camster, it’s a bit of banter. They’re a whimsy, a laugh, a comical tour de force riding roughshod through your plans for a second term.
“And they’re all my doing. I started UKIP. It was ME. Aren’t I hilarious? Good luck in 2015, matey.”