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Tits Plot Revenge Against The Sun

Page 3 girl thinks about revenge

Rupert Murdoch’s News International has become embroiled in yet another scandal after it emerged that The Sun‘s Page 3 girls have fake thoughts.

Ignorant, reactionary and closed-minded remarks inserted within round speech bubbles above the tanned, topless bodies of sexually virile young women featured each day on the first inside facing page of Murdoch’s flagship British publication are in fact manufactured by the paper’s editorial management under the direction of Murdoch himself, the models allege.

They say that the proprietor of The Sun has deliberately been inflating their physical endowments with dangerous suppositions.

“I don’t know much about world affairs,” admitted one such fame-hungry silicon-enhanced beauty after she had been quoted as saying that Britain’s armed forces should not withdraw from Afghanistan.

“But I know enough to be sure that murdering people is not a productive use of the taxes my government levy on the income I earn from indulging the misogynist fantasies of Britain’s manual labour workforce.

“Especially during a recession.”

A steady stream of models have now come forward to complain that the inane and regressive quotes attributed to their provocative naked poses were postulations they would never countenance had they not been significantly reimbursed.

Another alarming misquote had a 19-year-old model exclaim that the Human Rights Act should be abolished and replaced with a charter which stated that “hot babes must remove their tops upon request by any Australian billionaire.”

In a statement, a gaggle of Page 3 girls calling themselves The Injustice of The Sun (Tits), explained why they were now coming forward to launch a formal complaint against the tabloid’s pollution of their cognitive facets.

“We have stayed silent for far too long,” said Tits.

“The financial rewards offered us are no longer sufficient to compensate the loss of intellectual integrity suffered as a result of such asinine passages being forced into our mouths.”

Murdoch had managed to keep The Sun‘s misquoting practice under wraps for decades by paying his models just enough to cover the cost of their next surgical enhancement.

But after many erotic models were made aware of their fallibility by the PIP implant scandal earlier this year, Tits was formed and the integrity of The Sun‘s Page 3 speech bubbles rapidly degraded.

News International, the British tabloid’s owner, has issued an apology. It said: “We are sorry we misquoted the girls who appear in our regular feature celebrating the finer points of the female form.

“But we honestly had no idea the models were intelligent lifeforms capable of free thought.”




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