Saudi Arabian Traffic Cops Armed With Penis Detectors
The waist-hi-tech device will automatically detect drivers who do not possess a valid penis – a sex organ required in Saudi Arabia for health and sexism reasons.
A spokesman for the Saudi Arabian Department of Motoring And Nastiness (SADMAN) said: “Recently we have seen a spate of women driving without valid licenses, usually because we don’t allow them to get one.
“Sometimes these women try to cross-dress to fool us. But I am happy to say we can now check for male sex organs from the side of the road using our new penilisers.
“Saudi traffic police already use breathalyser tests to ensure female passengers are inhaling less oxygen than the males in their vehicle.
“We also ask car owners to visit a garage for their annual Meccanical test, prior to the Hajj, to ensure that any women who may be driven to Mecca are safely zipped up in a black body bag, and are kept out of harm’s way.
“Sadly, these steps aren’t enough. We are still seeing regular cases of invalid sex organs taking to the streets, endangering the lives of unborn children, as well as penis owners, and all while leaving an ever-growing list of housework to do at home.
“Arming our police force with penilisers, therefore, is a perfectly logical and rational step to take.”
The Saudi government has warned that anyone now caught driving without a penis could be made to suffer an on-the-spot chore.
However, the peniliser’s introduction has been mired with difficulties after a number of male drivers were stopped because their penises are undetectable.
It was reported that at least half of Saudi Arabia’s all-male government were pulled over in their limos. Some were even forced to cook meals before the police realised they weren’t women.
SADMAN continued: “Unfortunately, because this is an emerging technology, the peniliser cannot detect any penis that measures under 2cm in length from base to tip.
“We would like to sincerely apologise to His Royal Holiness the Crown Prince for this slight imperfection and would ask that he remains patient while we attempt to remedy the problem with our manufacturer.”