Rumsfeld Appointed As New Attack Secretary
US president George W. Bush has responded to devastating defeats in the polls this week by appointing ex defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, into the newly-created position of ‘attack secretary’.
Rumsfeld, who resigned on Wednesday, was hastily brought back into the administration on Thursday by the president as he announced his new exit strategy from Iraq.
Bush said the mid-term election results showed that voters want a new strategy. “We are deep into overtime, and as your leader, I have made a bold tactical switch,” he announced.
“Earlier this week I decided to take out defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld and bring in a pair of fresh legs. While our defence is now reinforced, we must find a new way to get into Iraq’s end-zone and finish this contest for good.
“The best form of defence is attack, and as such, we need someone to lead our offence and make sure we score that game-clinching touchdown.”
Bush then formally appointed Donald Rumsfeld in to the brand new position of attack secretary.
“He is by far the best man for the job, with a fantastic record for fouling the opposition, deceiving the referee, blaming defeat on the hostilities of an away crowd and denying all responsibility during post-match press conferences.
“To be honest, we can never have enough men like him in the White House.”
The president also gave his reaction to losing control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate, commenting on his relationship with Nancy Pelosi, the new speaker in the House of Representatives.
“I am very happy to compromise with this woman. I have no problem with her taking charge of domestic duties,” said Bush, winking to a colleague.
“She can gladly iron out immigration, clean up crime, sweep up unemployment, cook up the economy and hang our education out to dry. Quite frankly, I always thought this was woman’s work anyway.
“This leaves me free to do the man’s work – going to war.”
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