Prophet Muhammad Fairly Chilled About Cartoons
In an exclusive interview with The Taxman today Muhammad, or “The Big Mo” as he told us he prefers to be called these days, said the ban on people drawing him only really began because he was self-conscious about his big nose.
“I used to be really embarrassed about my huge schnoz,” explained The Big Mo from beyond the grave.
“I got bullied back in the day about it, actually, it was kind of cruel. Even when I became this big deal in Arabia, everyone just kept calling me ‘penis face’.
“So when I started preaching all this stuff that ended up in the Quran, you know like the Hadiths and that, I dropped all of these subtle hints that I didn’t want to be depicted in any way, because I didn’t want people to just remember me for the big nose.
“Now’s there’s these people getting killed to death just for drawing a cartoon of me. It seems to have gone a bit far.
“But since I died several hundred years ago I’ve chilled out a bit, I’ve mellowed out. The nose doesn’t really bother me anymore.”
The Big Mo said he didn’t have any beef with the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists who got killed for drawing him, nor the ones who drew him again this week but remain alive, and not just because the beef wasn’t Halal.
“To be honest those Charlie guys did a pretty good job in getting the nose right,” continued The Big Mo.
“Spot on, actually. I just had to laugh when I saw it. I couldn’t believe the resemblance.
“Now everyone’s been going a bit nuts this past week, since those cartoonists got wasted, which is all a bit unnecessary. Even if I was really pissed about it, I couldn’t complain.
“At the end of the day, I’m a dead prophet, and those cartoonists don’t even follow my religion. So who gives a damn?
“I’m way more cheesed off with those Boko Haram fuckers in Nigeria. And so should you be.”