Prince Philip Dies On Hospital Trolley
Prince Philip, 91, from Windsor, had been admitted to an NHS hospital after suffering a recurrence of a bladder infection this morning but, upon arrival, could not be found a bed.
The semi-retired tourist attraction was treated for his crippling pain while he waited on a collapsible trolley, but overstretched nursing staff failed to notice when he fell unconscious shortly after he had shouted out a sexist remark.
His devastated grandson, Prince Harry, 27, told The Taxman it should never have been allowed to happen.
“It was as if The Duke wasn’t important, he was just left to rot behind a vending machine,” Mr Harry said, his voice crackling with emotion.
“If there had been enough beds, or enough staff, I’m sure my grandpop could have been given his own wing, or at least a ward.
“I’d like to blame the hospital’s management, but to be honest, it’s our own fault for thinking we could be handed anything decent in life for free.”
Mr Harry said his family would normally pay for private healthcare out of their own subjects’ pockets, but had decided to try the National Health Service instead after they discovered its existence during the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games.
The third in line to the throne added: “The NHS sounded like a really good idea, but it looks like London 2012 spent more money advertising it than the government has on providing it.”
The hospital responsible for making our monarch a widow has vowed not to carry out any kind of investigation into the death of Mr Philip.
A spokesman said: “It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work out that we don’t have enough money left in our budget to cope with the demands of an aging population.
“Which is just as well, because we can no longer afford to employ any brain surgeons. Instead, our neurological operations are now being performed by volunteers.
“It’s part of the ‘Big Society’.”
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