Poo On The Queen
Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II has been covered by faeces.
The excrement is positioned on the monarch’s head but has also splattered on to other areas of her well-dressed anatomy, as well as to one or more of Her Majesty’s close relatives.
The Queen lost consciousness moments after the manure made contact with her overly-familiar face. Doctors are now being flown in from across the Commonwealth to help with the recovery operation.
A Buckingham Palace spokesman said the smell was pungent. “Oh, gosh,” he told The Taxman just a few minutes after the poo hit the Queen.
“It feels like my nostrils have been assaulted by a flaming skunk at a sulphur depository.”
Questions are already being asked about why it has taken 60 years for this shit to happen.
Early indications are that the anal discharge occurred at a great height above the UK Head of State’s open-top carriage as it made its way along The Mall.
Royal experts suggested the manure was dropped by anti-monarchist incontinents flying above London on a custom-made toilet. However, this idea was ruled out on grounds that the perpetrators clearly had no use for a privy.
More intelligent commentators pointed instead to the available evidence, which indicates the crap was sourced by the anus of God.
“The national anthem of this country calls on the Big Man to save Her Royal Highness,” noted Richard Dawkins.
“But God sometimes gets bored with protecting the same people everyday. Just look at the United States. He’s given up.
“Clearly, The Lord decided instead to answer the prayers of taxpayers.”
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