Options For Climate Catastrophe Narrowed Down To Three
The Airports Commission led by Sir Howard Davies has said we can either burn several million more tonnes of carbon by building a third runway at Heathrow, by lengthening one of its existing two runways, or by building a second runway at Gatwick.
A fourth option promoted by London mayor Boris Johnson would have seen these poisonous gases emitted in the Thames Estuary, a plan which had the added bonus of destroying several ‘protected’ habitats for migratory birds.
However, Sir Howard rejected the so-called Boris Island idea because killing so much wildlife would have been “way too expensive”.
He explained: “It would be unwise for me to suggest that the best way to exacerbate man-made climate change is to spend billions of pounds on a brand new airport, when it would be far quicker to melt the ice caps by simply expanding one of our existing airports.”
Sir Howard will now spend the next year deciding which of the three other options would best enable the UK to miss its own carbon reduction targets.
He continued: “I have been hired by the government to ensure that Britain is not left behind in the global race to cook the planet, and therefore I must fully examine every detail of the three remaining plans for pollution expansion in the south-east of England.
“Aviation is one the fastest growing sources of greenhouse gas emissions in the world and it is important that it remains so in Britain, too.
“How tragic would it be if, in 100 years time when millions of people have been displaced by rising sea levels, climate refugees were unable to use London as a convenient interchange during their journey to one of the UN’s flood relief shelters?”
Mr Johnson accused Sir Howard of consigning Britain to decades more of awful bird migrations.
“My idea was visionary,” the Mayor of London maintained.
“None of the other plans are anywhere near as murderous as mine.”