Obama Joins Liberal Democrats
US President Barack Obama has been unveiled as the newest member of the Liberal Democrat Party.
Obama told the party’s annual conference that he was greatly impressed with the way they had caved in to the ruling neo-cons since they gained power and hoped he could swap notes with leader Nick Clegg.
The Lib Dems this weekend vowed not to allow any fall in the 50p top-rate of tax and Obama has outlined new plans to tax the wealthiest Americans, but both policies are likely to be discarded at the first sign of the conservative elite raising its voice.
“What the Liberal Democrats have achieved in Britain since they took office in May 2010 I find truly impressive,” the president told party delegates in Birmingham.
“You are showing the rest of Europe how liberal capitulation to elitist bigots can give their small-state, free-market, illiberal fantasies the sort of credibility which will keep them in office for a devastatingly long time.
“If this cowardly acquiescence could be reproduced the world over – and I am doing my best to recreate it with Republicans in the US – then the collapse of society and civilisation itself could be brought forward by several decades.”
Obama’s enthusiasm for the Lib Dem cause was cemented with his filling out of a membership form on the conference podium.
“Don’t worry,” he announced. “I have [Republican speaker] John Boehner’s permission to do this.”
Clegg later told the conference he was honoured to welcome Obama to the Lib Dems, who he said had been an inspiration to everyone with noble, moral aims that they were willing to immediately discard at the slightest whiff of real power.
“This shows how far we have come,” Clegg said as he lit another cigar and clicked his fingers at a passing waiter.
“This time two years ago we were nobody. We were nothing. All we had were the clothes on our back and a few lousy principles in our pockets. Hell, we couldn’t even afford to dine at Ramsay’s.
“Now? Look. We have Rolex watches, we have chauffeur-driven cars, we have leggy blonde secretaries. Conference, I tell you, we have made it.”
As newly-printed bank notes descended from above, Clegg added: “This is what power is all about – abandoning your morals and breaking as many damn promises as you need to stay in charge.”
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.