Green Peas Charged With Piracy
The peas were campaigning against soil drilling in the Arctic when gun-toting guardeners held them hostage and seized their pod.
Soil giants Grassprom had ordered the heist after they caught the peas trying to resist their defrosting attempts.
All the green peas are now being detained in Murmansk by the Bureaucratic Union Committee (BUC). If convicted of piracy, they’ll be made to roll off a plank and into a bubbling hot soup.
A BUC spokesman said: “They might claim to be harmless vegetables, but how are we supposed to know what sort of danger these green peas might pose?
“Grassprom told us the green peas had been trying to stop them turning the Earth’s stove on, waving banners about not wanting to be cooked.
“But we’re hungry, so we decided the most reasonable response was to jump aboard their vessel, wave guns in their faces, steal their pod, take them all prisoner and get our ears pierced.
“Now we’re charging them with piracy, and, when we find them guilty, we’ll make a delicious broth.
“Arrrr, we will.”
Friends and relatives of the green peas described the piracy charges as “completely without roots” and vowed to launch a counter-strike by firing millions of lethal emails at BUC’s inbox.
It’s just the kind of violent response you’d expect from a bunch of evil pirates.