Death-Trap Factory This Season’s Must-Have Accessory
The sweatshops work best when paired with negligible workers’ rights and rampant capitalism.
Most of the major high street shops are now stocking them, but for best results check out the brands selling clothes at ‘knock-down prices’ and blood stains on the sleeve.
“Wow, this collapsing factory is just fabulous,” Primark chief executive Paul Marchant enthused.
“The cramped conditions make for excellent death tolls, while I absolutely adore the complete lack of an integrated sprinkler system.”
US fashion label Gap said the teetering garment mills were such a hot item this season, they were literally on fire.
“Can’t you smell it?” asked Gap boss Glenn Murphy. “That’s the whiff of burning child slaves.
“And it’s going to look simply amazing on you.”
However, H&M top dog Karl-Johan Persson said factories didn’t always have to collapse or go up in flames to make a statement on the catwalk.
“It’s easy to forget the importance of chemical leaks and poor ventilation to making this look work,” Persson explained.
“There are many ways in which a Western clothing brand can ignore the well-being of its workers. I suggest you find the best combination that works for you.”
Tory life peer Simon Wolfson, chief executive of British retailer Next, said his company’s low wages and 18-hour shifts were “really slimming”.
Baron Wolfson of Aspley Guise added: “Trust me, you’re going to look like an utter twat unless you wear one of our giant death factories.”
Supermarket brands such as George at Asda are also cashing-in on the popularity of the twisted wreckage from another fatal factory collapse.
“Everywhere’s selling ’em, but you won’t find them cheaper than with us,” boasted Asda-Walmart president Andy Clarke.
“No-one does health and safety at a lower cost than we do. It’s the Asda price promise.”
The hundreds of victims of multiple textile factory disasters in south-east Asia this year said they were happy to help Westerners save money and look great in this “difficult economic climate”.