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Climate Change Protestors’ Al-Qaeda Plot

highly dangerous tofu

Eco-terrorists hell-bent on destroying millions of hard-earned British holidays planned to blow up Heathrow Airport, The Taxman can exclusively reveal.

In a plot rivalling an Al-Qaeda terrorist attack, the woolly jumper-wearing, bicycle-riding, dope-smoking, tree-hugging, environmental-fascist hippies camped outside the world’s second biggest airport, conspired to attack holidaymakers with a grenade-launcher made from recycled toilet paper.

However, the eco-terrorists wimped out and instead decided to chain themselves to the gates of the British Airport Authority’s headquarters, on Sunday.

Our source, free from the influence of illegal substances, voluntarily told us: “These climate change martyrs want nothing more than to destroy our way of life.

“Causing chaos and disruption is their sole aim, and they’ll go to any lengths to achieve it,” he/she continued.

“When those smelly eco-sadists finally packed up their filth and left the site outside Heathrow this [Monday] morning, we found their sordid terrorist plot scribbled on the back of a Rizla packet.

“It made my blood run cold, not least because it was written in Arabic.”

It is speculated that had they decided to go ahead with the bomb plot, and been successful, the eco-fundamentalists would have ruined at least 50 middle-class holidays to destinations such as the Dominican Republic, Jamaica and Mexico.

We, here at The Taxman, have set up a helpline for anyone who suspects eco-terrorist activity in their neighbourhood. Call 0800 999 999 to report suspicious activity, such as a dreadlocked man buying tofu and a copy of The Independent.

In other news, Hurricane Dean, a Category 5, continues to ruin thousands of British holidays across the Caribbean and Central America.



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