Blair and Brown In Fly On the Wall Shocker
We have obtained the latest spy technology in a completely legal transaction, that did not compromise any trespassing legislation, and wanted to use it in a totally immoral and illegitimate way – as any good tabloid would.
So we attached it to a fly and set it free in Downing Street.
Naturally, the winged insect was attracted to the shit emanating from Number 10, where Blair and Brown were having a private meeting.
What kind of journalists would we be if we didn’t break our code of practice and print a complete transcript of the conversation right here?
Blair: So what do you want to talk to me about, Gordon?
Brown: The pensions thing, it’s getting out of hand.
Blair: What pensions thing?
Brown: Don’t play innocent Tony. I saw you talking to that pensions guy.
Blair: What pensions guy? Oh him, no, that wasn’t the pensions guy I was talking to.
Brown: Who was it then?
Blair: The secret loans guy.
Brown: You talked with the secret loans guy?!
Brown: But you just said you had.
Blair: No I didn’t.
Brown: Yes you did.
Blair: No you misheard. I said secret phones guy.
Brown: Have you got something you’d like to tell me, Tony?
Blair: Yes, I’ve just bought a new phone.
Brown: Don’t play me the fool Tony. I’m not a backbencher, you can’t lie to me that easy. If you have a problem with me you should just say so.
Blair: I think you’re the one with the problem.
Brown: I haven’t got a problem, Tony, have you?
Blair: No, have you got a problem, Gordon?
Brown: What’s your problem, eh?
Blair: I told you, I haven’t got a problem. If you ask me that again I’m going to make John Prescott the next PM.
Brown: You wouldn’t dare!
Blair: Bet I would.
Brown: Bet you wouldn’t.
Blair: I’ll bet you £5 of taxpayers’ money that I would.
Brown: Do you want to settle this outside?
Blair: Come on then!
At which point both men were heard to leave the room. Unfortunately the fly didn’t make it back alive.
As soon as the opportunity presents itself we shall attempt to obtain further spyware technology and report here, exclusively in The Taxman, with our latest findings.
This article is dedicated to the fly on the wall that gave its life to help us shift some papers on a slow news day.
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