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BBC Denies Bias Towards the Truth

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The director-general of the BBC has moved to quell the latest furore over the corporation’s impartiality by categorically denying any bias towards honest, fact-based journalism.

Mark Thompson’s secretary explained in a statement today that the BBC‘s constitution forbids it from presenting anything close to an accurate representation of what is actually happening in the world.

Instead, Mr Thompson’s secretary wrote, it was the public broadcaster’s duty to give licence-payers at least one lie for every truth it portrays, without providing viewers any hint of which explanation might be correct.

“The world is full of liars anyway, so surely it is the job of any responsible news gathering organisation to root out those liars, give them a massive platform from which to spout those lies, and then let the public decide which lie to believe?

“Of course, we must also attempt to provide a hint of truth to our reports. As a public broadcaster, our approach is to recognise what the truth is, then smother it in lies until it is unrecognisable.”

Earlier this month, Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman found himself in trouble with BBC bosses after suggesting that the Iraq War had not been a blissful mission for freedom and democracy that only coincidentally took place in an oil-rich anti-American non-Christian state ruled by an Arab dictator that the then-US president’s father had failed to bring down during his own presidency.

Continued Thompson’s secretary: “When 99.9 percent of the available evidence suggests that something is true, it is the moral duty of the BBC to find that other 0.1 percent of falsehood, give it a 15-minute slot on the Ten O’Clock News, it’s own documentary, a page on our website and a £5million paycheck.

“Now that, ladies and gentleman, is impartial journalism.

BBC style.”




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