Andy Coulson Launches New Prison Tabloid, The Sin
The Sin is expected to feature a heady mix of cell scandal, warden gossip, darts coverage, porridge recipes and male genitalia. Page 3 of each edition will carry a blown-up image of the anus of a convicted felon.
Rolf Harris and Max Clifford have signed on as columnists, while a Sunday edition called News of the Wicked will launch later this month.
But Coulson vowed never to use his new rag to “snitch” on any fellow criminal, however much evidence might accumulate against them.
“I don’t want to just be remembered as that guy who hacked phones,” Coulson wrote from his jail cell after being sentenced to 18 months in jail for conspiracy to hack phones during his leadership of the News of the World.
“My new tabloid, The Sin, is going to stand up for the working criminal by keeping them in the dark about the things they really ought to know about, playing instead to their baser instincts as a useful form of societal distraction.
“I’ve got to keep the inmates here happy and content, you see.
“Otherwise I’ll get arse raped in the dead of night by a sex-starved lunatic who’s just realised that what he should have done to avoid jail was wear a suit and work in the City.”
Coulson, who spotted Harris stealing a sausage from the prison canteen but decided not to say anything, said The Sin would follow the Convicts’ Code of Conduct, which he just made up himself.
“We want to play by the rules,” said Coulson. “But only the ones we’re in charge of.”