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An Irish Government Asks a British Government for More Money…

very cute leprechaun

Britain has become the butt of the most tragic Irish joke in history.

The collective realisation of our fatuity comes after the chancellor agreed to lend an elephantine pot of gold to some leprechauns this week, on instruction that they don’t do anything too mischevous with it.

On first hearing the news, we all laughed, before quickly bursting into tears and double-locking the front door.

George Osborne told the nation: “Those cheeky leprechauns, they’re so cute aren’t they? I just couldn’t resist giving them £7billion.

“See, it turns out that when I said a month ago that we didn’t have any money and we would all have to shoulder the burden of scrimping and saving to pay back our debt, I completely forgot about this absolutely massive stash of gold coins we had been keeping under some floor boards in the Treasury.

“We only remembered we had it a couple days ago, and we were just about to give it back to you all and cancel our programme of raping each of you in the ass when these little green fellas knocked on the door.

“They were so lovable, I couldn’t resist! Guess you’ll have to get the lube out, after all.”

The pot of gold, which the leprechauns have promised they will return as soon as they’ve finished pointing and laughing at us, will be used by the little green Irishmen to light up their rainbow once again.

One of the naughty scamps told us, here at The Taxman: “Yippee! O, bejabbers, where did I put my hat?”

Despite their steady production line of shoes over the last few years, an increasingly lazy approach to collecting payment for the footwear they were making had left the leprechauns’ own stash of gold virtually empty.

Britain was even helping the wee fellas by polishing shoes on their production line, only to forget to fax any invoices over.

“Bejaysus,” chief leprechaun Brian Cowen stammered as he headed back across the Irish sea last night.

“I always knew the streets of London were paved with gold, but I never dreamed I could dig them up and take them home!”

George Osborne, explaining his remarks in 2006 when he described Ireland in a newspaper column as a “shining example of long-term economic policymaking”, said: “That was a typo.

“When the sub editors were working on my column they accidentally keyed an ‘r’ in Iceland instead of the ‘c’ that I’d intended.”

“That was a typo.

“When the sub editors were working on my column they accidentally keyed an ‘r’ in Iceland instead of the ‘c’ that I’d intended.”




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