Yes, that’s right, I’ve spent the last two days at Glastonbury Festival, in Somerset, England.
Mark Ronson, The Pigeon Detectives, Neil Diamond, Groove Armada, The Verve – I missed them all because I decided to leave early.
No way was I going to hang around in that smelly field anymore listening to all of these Radiohead rip-offs.
Neil Diamond especially. All of his classic hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s were fleeced from 1993’s Pablo Honey.
It was shame I had to miss Mark Ronson though, I love his original hit, Just. That song rocks.
Anyway, let me tell you about the bands I did see.
After leaving my hotel on Friday I headed down to the Other Stage to catch We Are Scientists. They may be scientists, but I tell you what, they’re definitely not Radiohead. And it’ll take more than a degree in biochemistry to put that right.
Afterwards I went down to The Park where Dizzee Rascal was busy performing his hit track, Pussy’ole.
It didn’t sound anything like the material off Mr Rascal’s favourite Radiohead album, Amnesiac, but I tell you what, I sure did want to forget about it afterwards.
Kings of Leon? I didn’t even bother.
Despite Friday’s poor standard, I came back on Saturday comforted in the knowledge that the great ones themselves, Radiohead, would be headlining the Pyramid Stage that very night.
Before that though, I caught up with Amy Winehouse. After telling me that she didn’t want to go to rehab, even though she’s spent most of her life there, I told her to fuck off so Radiohead could get on stage. She punched me in the face.
But all of that was forgotten as soon as the critically faltless heroes of indie-electronica arrived and blew us all away.
After running through classics such as 99 problems and Girls, Girls, Girls, a woman stood somewhere inside my left armpit informed me that we were in fact watching the greatest rapper of all time, Jay Z.
What? You mean those bastards at The Taxman have sent me all the way down here and Radiohead aren’t even on the bill? I told her to stop being so stupid. I know Radiohead when I see them.
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