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Evidence Of Foreign Invasions Found In Palestine, Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Dominican Republic, Panama, Grenada, Kuwait, Iraq, Lebanon, Bosnia, Serbia, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Libya, Somalia, More

Inspectors deployed by the international peacemaking body Freedom United (FU!) say it took them less than five minutes to find “concrete, cast iron, bleedingly obvious evidence” that millions of innocent civilians have been slaughtered by foreign invaders across a large swathe of the globe.

And, although it may take more time for FU! inspectors to determine exactly who was responsible for the vicious, unwarranted attacks, several of the targeted countries have already pointed the finger at “one or other of those rich, white, Christian countries in the North West”.

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Winter Olympic Event Banned In Russia

Vladimir Putin has agreed to cancel a Winter Olympic event and move it to Canada after pressure from gay activists.

The Russian prime minister said he was happy to transfer the men’s figure skating event to Vancouver for the 2014 Games, but vowed that all other “legitimate” sports would take place in Sochi in February as originally planned.

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Baby Prince Faces Certain Future

The newborn Prince George of Cambridge faces a certain future, according to facts.

Although for the moment parents Kate and Wills can never be quite sure when the third-in-line to the throne is going to piss all over them mid nappy change, if there’s ever been anything in life that’s certain, it’s that this kid is never going to owe money to the Student Loan Company.

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Discrimination ‘Hard Work’

Discriminating against people based on their race, gender, sexuality, class or other predetermined characteristic is a lot more difficult than it used to be, a survey of elderly rural folk has found.

Being prejudiced and getting away with it now requires planning, strategy, guile and a work ethic that is beyond the capability of most stupid, narrow-minded people.

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Intercepting Edward Snowden ‘More Difficult Than Phone Calls’

Intercepting actual real people is a lot more difficult than electronic communications, the White House has admitted.

Officials say that because whistleblower and fugitive Edward Snowden is constructed of flesh, blood and bone, instead of electromagnetic radiation or binary coding, he is considerably more difficult to get hold of.

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Michael Gove Reveals New GOVECSE

Education Secretary Michael Gove says his new GOVECSE is going to whip your children into shape, and if you don’t like it you can stay behind and meet Mr Cane.

The GOVECSE will test school pupils everyday at 9am, 12noon and 3pm on how much they know about the life and times of Michael Gove, the Secretary of State for Education and All Conquering God of Your Every Waking Fucking Hour.

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