Tens of millions are thought to have been killed in a disaster that ranks alongside the end of the world.

Entire generations have been lost forever, towns and cities wiped off the face of the Earth. The areas affected will never recover, the skies are black with smoke and the sun is no longer visible.

George W. Bush has declared war on the Atlantic Ocean.

An Anti-Smoking Squad (ASS) will be established to enforce the impending ban.

The specialist team will be patrolling our streets looking for people smoking in illegal places, such as 24-hour pubs.

Prime Minister’s Questions (PMQs) yesterday ended in an all-out brawl, parliamentary style.

The altercation started between the leaders of the Labour and Conservative parties and soon all of their MPs were involved.

A 103-year-old woman has been given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order (ASBO) for walking too slowly.

Dozens of complaints were received about Betty Smith leisurely frequenting pedestrian crossings and holding up traffic.

Britain’s cities are increasingly suffering from problems caused by binge drinking.

Our town centres have become plagued in the early hours by drunken youths out for a good time, but who frequently go too far.

US President George W. Bush has declared war on the Republic of Kyrgyzstan.

The exact reason why Bush has targeted the former Soviet republic as the next victim in the War on Terror is unclear, but the president gave a statement yesterday.