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New Evidence Shows Ed Miliband Still Labour Party Leader

Scientists from Cambridge University have published a paper claiming that Ed Miliband is still the leader of the Labour Party.

The astonishing discovery, if true, will be a huge boost to Labour’s election rivals.

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Prophet Muhammad Fairly Chilled About Cartoons

The Prophet Muhammad says he’s “chilled out” with cartoons and other depictions of himself since he died nearly 1,400 years ago.

In an exclusive interview with The Taxman today Muhammad, or “The Big Mo” as he told us he prefers to be called these days, said the ban on people drawing him only really began because he was self-conscious about his big nose.

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Danny Alexander ‘Made Of Plasticine’

The Chief Secretary to the Treasury is made of Plasticine, according to a leaked Lib Dem document.

Danny Alexander, who lives in a small box on George Osborne’s desk, is apparently able to morph into different shapes depending on whom he is being moulded by at any given time.

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Beavers Dam Parliament

England’s first wild population of beaver in 300 years has dammed parliament.

According to river sources, the resourceful rodents have built a 10-metre tall dam preventing politicians from entering Westminster.

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Ebola Corporation Sues Government

The multinational firm distributing Ebola across Europe is set to sue the British government after ‘harsh’ measures against the virus were imposed at UK airports.

Ebola Corporation claims screening passengers arriving from west Africa will slow growth of the deadly virus in Britain and prevent thousands of new jobs from being created.

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Cameron Rejects Airstrikes On Scotland

The Scottish Parliament will not be bombed in any targeted airstrike, David Cameron has vowed.

The UK prime minister said the airstrikes would “definitely not happen” because Scotland is going to vote ‘no’ in the upcoming referendum on independence.

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Options For Climate Catastrophe Narrowed Down To Three

A commission set up by government has narrowed down to three the options for exceeding dangerous limits of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.

The Airports Commission led by Sir Howard Davies has said we can either burn several million more tonnes of carbon by building a third runway at Heathrow, by lengthening one of its existing two runways, or by building a second runway at Gatwick.

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